


What Lies Beneath

by BadBoysLover



Series: What Lies Beneath [1]
Category: Penny Dreadful (TV)
Genre: Danessa, Dorian And Vanessa Are Meant To Be, Dorian x Vanessa, F/M, Insight, The Inner Works Of Vanessa's Mind, Vanerian, otp status
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-20
Updated: 2017-02-08
Packaged: 2018-06-09 16:37:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,367
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6914899
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BadBoysLover/pseuds/BadBoysLover
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Vanessa Ives Chronicles - Her thoughts, her feelings, her experiences and her unusual, sensual and irresistible connection with Dorian Gray. Come and take a peek inside her mind... (Written for @TheHellWithinMe)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Whisper

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: This is nothing more than a collection of some insight solos I'm writing for Vanessa Ives's character: her feelings, her thoughts and experiences throughout some of the episodes ― sometimes focused on her relationship with Dorian Gray more than anything else since that's my OTP in this show. These pieces of writing, which are connected to one another in a chronological way but don't follow a pattern, were previously posted on Twitter, on my Vanessa account where I'm currently roleplaying the Danessa ship with my incredible RP partner, Phantom. Thank you for the inspiration!
> 
> I hope you enjoy reading as much as I enjoy writing. Please review!
> 
> Setting: S01 E01 - Opening scene - Night Work

"Ave Maria, gratia plena, Dominus tecum. Benedicta tu in mulieribus et benedictus fructus ventris tui, Lesus. Sancta Maria, mater Dei, ora pro nobis peccatoribus nunc, et in hora mortis nostrae. Amen."

Genuflected, I uttered the sacred Latin words I knew by heart over and over again vehemently. My black dress created a pool of lacy fabric around my penitent self as my fingers squeezed one another even tighter and the incessant whispering prayers emerged from my pale lips in a more feverish manner. I was still trembling from the vivid dream I had had a while ago, stands of black hair were stuck to my sweaty forehead as I elevated my tormented emerald gaze and breathed out my supplication with the firm conviction that, perhaps, if I entrusted myself to the Almighty, the voices and visions torturing my soul would fade into oblivion at last.

But none of that happened.

Not sooner were my eyes on the wooden image of the crucified figure before me than I realized that my prayers were not being heard. A spider… A single spider was crawling out from behind the crucifix but there was no hole in there, no fissure from which it could come out… out…It simply appeared. Out of thin air...

Icy chills rushed down my spine and all I could do was gasp and bring my entwined fingers up to my lips as fear unleashed upon me. "This cannot be!", a shaky voice whispered from the darkest corners of my mind and I closed my eyes, froze in place as I held onto the hope that my faith could be stronger than this.

But then, I felt it.

Those tiny little legs moving along the length of my arm, creeping all the way up... Nothing could be more of a vivid proof that I could not escape my fate, or who I was, than this. Staring at the arachnid resting over one of my fingers, I knew I was doomed, cursed… This was real. I could see things no one could see, things that no one _should_ see…

_Why did I have to go through this again? Why me? Why was this happening to me? Why did I have to listen to this? All of this? I just wanted everything to go away…_

Hot tears began to roll down my pallid cheeks as the voices continued calling to me, louder and louder as their hold around my heart was inescapable. The grasp around it only grew stronger with each and every beat. I couldn't fight nor refuse it. It was too late. Their demanding influence squeezing my fragile vital organ firmly and soon sinking its spiky claws in it, securing it until I finally broke and gave in.

_"Soon, child. Soon."_

_"I'm hungry…"_


	2. Under My Skin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N:I hope you enjoy reading as much as I enjoy writing. Please review!
> 
> Setting: S01 E02 - Séance (Part One)

Finding Mina was more complicated than we had thought. Malcolm and I had to recruit two very opposite persons so that we could, at least, begin to put the missing pieces of this puzzle together.

Ethan Chandler was the first, a skilled marksman/conman enlisted to do some "night work" with Malcolm and myself.

The very night he was hired, the three of us infiltrated a vampire nest, and after a fight between us and some of those vicious creatures, we winded up heading towards the underground part of the city where we met the second person to join our "team", Victor Frankenstein, a young and very skilled doctor recruited to examine one of the vampire's corpses that we had dragged all the way out of the nest. As they days passed by, the supernatural forces that always tormented me seemed to get stronger and stronger, conquering my body and mind with great ease despite my fierce struggle. Perhaps what had happened in that nest that night had strengthened whatever was chasing me from the shadows?

Or was I just… losing my mind?

**X~x~X~x~x**

_**― Friday night, Mister Ferdinand Lyle's party ―** _

Taking Malcolm's hand, I stepped off the carriage gracefully and we sauntered over inside Mr. Lyle's luxurious mansion.

The pleasant melody of violins and a low hum of chatter welcomed us, replacing the noise outside the house as soon as we entered the lavish confines of the manor. Tonight, Mr. Lyle and his wife were hosting one of those fancy social gatherings in which show off how bulky their wallets were in front of other wealthy people; however, Malcolm and I had been pretty much obliged to attend this party in view of the fact that Mr. Lyle had left us particularly intrigued about those hieroglyphs tattooed beneath the skin of that night creature Victor had examined for us. What did an ancient Egyptian book ―the Book of the Dead― have to do with Mina and her disappearance? We needed an answer…

"Sir Malcolm!"

A chirping voice with an exotic accent called out my companion's name, causing him and I to exchange a knowing glance.

"Sir Malcolm," Mister Lyle shook his hand with a wide grin that made his chubby cheeks elevate and turn a darker shade of pink.

"Miss Ives," the host greeted me a moment later, grabbing my delicate hand with his in a gentle manner as I granted him a polite smile. "I'm so glad you could attend. Thank you for coming to my wee fête."

"Thank you for having us."

"I have the additional photographs in my coach," Malcolm interrupted, disregarding the formalities with obvious impatience.

Mister Lyle quickly shushed him with a furtive gesture and the plump man looked at me prior to whispering stealthily. "How forthright he is. Must have served him well in darkest Africa. Uh, my wife is somewhere about… Close by the gin, I would hazard." With a swift change of conversation, he turned to my companion. "In the parlor, perhaps."

"Why don't you make an introduction?" Malcolm instructed me and I nod my head before joining the festive crowd in the large parlor a feet ahead of me while the two men walked away to take care of their business.

Glasses clinking with each and every drink served; loud laughter that didn't seem genuine at all; violin strings being delicately stroked to produce the most beautiful music no one really listened to… The low humming of voices blended in with all the sounds surrounding me.

Leisurely, diaphanous emeralds cast a dull look around, glancing at all the faces and extravagant decoration sumptuous in this room, realizing how far away from everything I was...

Until something disrupted the atmosphere like a loud thunder before a storm, and then I was brought back and felt as though I was closer to this particular sensation than anything else in this earth.

_What is that?_

I had felt it in my mind; my breathing hitched in my throat and for an instant the world seemed to stop. My skin was crawling with goosebumps and I could feel this sensation caressing my soul…

It had provoked a change in the air all of the sudden and I felt as though my colorless world had shattered, exploded for me to see the colors behind the black, white and gray.

A presence… A presence had broken through my senses like a ray of sunlight breaking through the dark of the deepest night.

It was singing to me, captivating my perception with something magnetic… irresistible… inescapable... And the entire world slowly disappeared under its fascinating tune…


	3. Touch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N:I hope you enjoy reading as much as I enjoy writing. Please review!
> 
> Setting: S01 E02 - Séance (Part Two)

Slowly, I tipped my head back to glance over my shoulder in order to discover the source of such magnetic pull, and it was then that my green hues found him, standing a few steps away from me; an incredibly handsome and young man was staring at me brazenly from the other end of the room, his mere presence radiating an aura of mystery that made me incapable of tearing my chartreuse gaze off of him when I spun around so I could face him.

There was not a single moment of hesitation as he sauntered across the room, approaching me like a wolf on the hunt. The attractive stranger's nonchalant steps were unmistakably predatory, giving his fine muscular figure an almost hypnotic sway that exuded an innate confidence.

Never once his intense gaze left my own, and soon, he was standing in front of me, invading my personal space audaciously as the world around us faded into oblivion.

Something enticingly electric pulsed in the air as he inched his handsome face disturbingly close to mine; his compelling aura instantly drawing me to the very center of its gravity.

"My name is Dorian Gray," his voice danced into my ears, inciting me to repeat his name immediately after so as to savor the smooth sound of it as it rolled out of my mouth.

I refrained from doing so and introduced myself instead, too far tempted to hear /my/ name coming out of his perfectly shaped lips. "Vanessa Ives."

"It's a pleasure, Miss Ives." My heart skipped a beat and an inward shudder rattled down my spine at that word: pleasure; his brogue brimming with satisfaction as he continued speaking. "I… I couldn't help but notice your skepticism."

"Am I skeptical?" The question escaped me without delay before the ghost of a smile curled the corners of my plush brims upwards as I wondered why he had such an impression of me.

"About the room," he expounded, afraid, perhaps, that I could be somehow offended by his presumption. "Rather aggressive in the "chinoiserie" and geographically capricious, to say the least."

I couldn't help but gaze at him, amused by his gestures and playful manners while he itemized the different origins of the extravagant ornamentation around us.

"In this one room, there's Japanese, Siamese, Egyptian, Balinese. And something I take to be last season's panto of Aladdin."

I chuckled at how true that last comment was and he did the same, giving me one of the most heavenly sounds I'd ever have the pleasure to hear; the sensuous melody of his laughter was a sound to cherish, even if brief, I told myself. And his smile… the smile he was giving me right now had my heart beating slightly faster. It was so genuinely charming that it could enchant my very soul.

"Are you a friend of Mister Lyle's?" I inquired him, intrigued. He didn't appear to be the kind of person that would be friends with our host.

"Never met him before tonight. It was more of a random invitation," he confessed bluntly, confirming my theory that honesty was a natural quality in him.

"Do you get many of those?"

"Entirely," he responded straightforwardly.

"You could say 'no'," I suggested instinctively, trying to decipher him.

"I never say no," he replied in a manner that made every inch of my skin vibrate with desire. The crooning lilt of his voice was captivating, almost inviting me to sin…

My flesh was responding to the clandestine insinuation of his tone and the unavoidable intensity those hazel eyes locked with mine in ways that I could not control.

I felt abruptly dizzy; I was falling swiftly, spiraling down inside the resilient force of his gravity, and it took every ounce of control in me to take a step back, suddenly finding myself incapable of breathing due to his intoxicating proximity.

"I wasn't skeptical about the room," I answered the previous assumption he had made about me, noticing how distant I sounded all of the sudden.

"What then?" he urged, keen to satisfy his curiosity. "Shall I guess?" His good-looking features recovered his preceding playfulness despite my reluctance to reply, and the violent impulse to recoil further resurged when he stepped forward, regaining what little space I had managed to create between us with a dazzling smile.

"Have on, Mister Gray," I countered, challenging whatever hypothesis he might have come up with.

"You do not belong here," he stated with a tilt of his head, instantly erasing the small hint of a smirk that I had succeeded to display a moment ago. "Even less than I." He continued, giving his speech an undeniable air of certainty that made my lips form a tight line.

"You are not frivolous. Your eyes careful and appraising... This is not a careful room. Although there is much to appraise…That can divert you so for so long."

I couldn't help but stare at his tempting lips before I returned my gaze to his unfathomable caramel hues, unable to break the spell he seemed to be casting on me.

"You do not like it here. You are closed to it," he said as though he could see beyond my walls, reading my cryptic soul like an open book.

And then, the thick tension between us exploded the second his hand reached out for mine.

My instincts kicked in and I gasped, withdrawing from his touch instantaneously. However, he refused to accept my subconscious reaction, and a moment after, warm chills were running down my spine whilst the enthralling electricity surrounding us seeped into my bloodstream when his gentle hand held my own dainty appendage.

"Yet, you're the _only_ woman in this house not wearing gloves."

_What was he doing to me? Why― Why was I feeling this way? I was losing control…_

My senses were overwhelmed by his presence… My body was praying for a riot… I was puzzled by the irresistible and indubitable attraction I felt for him… I hadn't even realized how badly I was lusting for his touch until this very moment…

_Lusting…_

_Craving…_

_Longing…_

_Desire…_

**_Pleasure…_ **

"Your hands want to touch but your head wants to appraise." Both of his hands were holding mine now, allowing the pleasant current to dance from him to me freely, making my pulse race within my veins. "Your heart is torn between the two."

_How could he be so sure? How could be so right…? He didn't even know me..._

My mind was whirling inside the heavenly haze of his heady scent while his words seduced my senses as much and his closeness lured my skin to seek for further intimacy…

"You were skeptical because you thought this was going to be a wasted evening," he whispered in my ear, awakening things inside of me I didn't know that were there. "But now you're not so sure."

Our lips were mere inches away from touching when I slowly tipped my head to the side; our breaths mingling and I was envious that they had already found the contact I was so readily waiting for.

**Temptation…**

_How could I resist? How could I resist **him**?_

My mouth needed the warmth and softness of his mouth. It was us, only us now and I could finally give in to―

"Ladies and gentlemen, your attention please!"

Mister Lyle's excited voice boomed in our ears, breaking the spell that bound us together and bringing us both back to reality from some unknown world.

My eyes snapped open and I looked around, confused at first.

The night hadn't ended yet and I could almost feel what was coming in the atmosphere...


	4. Dark In My Imagination

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I hope you enjoy reading as much as I enjoy writing. Apologies in advance for any grammar mistake I've made in any of the previous installments of this fanfic as well as in this chapter. Please review!
> 
> Setting: S01 E02 - Séance (Part Three) / S01 E03 - Resurrection

I was captivated by his inebriating presence beyond belief. Dorian Gray was… a different kind of music. He was that unique melody that you never knew you were lusting for until your every sense is absolutely conquered by it. Hypnotic, intriguing, breathtaking, tempting, perilous… He was, unquestionably, that rapturous tune that was able to make goose bumps crawl upon your skin until you're shuddering in plain bliss…

I had felt it since the very moment he entered this room. A mysterious force attracted me to him and I could perceive some invisible strings vibrating delightfully. I am not even sure I can put it in plain words but I have always believed that people are linked by imperceptible wires that bind us all together and, although it's not recurrent, there is this special person that changes the frequency in which you hear the music around you and eventually lures you towards this new, singular melody that simply blows your mind…

I didn't want to admit that Dorian Gray had managed to do just that… I didn't want to admit the incredible attraction between us… I didn't want to admit that in those few moments we had shared, he had succeeded in taking a peek into my soul… He had been the one pulling the strings of my heart until he created that unusually enticing connection that led us to play the same secret tune; one that no else but us could hear…

Unfortunately, it took only a moment to break the trance I was so willingly submerged in…

"Your attention pl- Please, you must pay attention to me," Mr. Lyle clapped his stocky hands together in order to draw our focus in his direction. "My friends, our guest of honor has arrived. May I present the renowned Madame Kali!"

The magic had vanished, and so had the music.

A polite applause swiftly filled the room when our histrionic host introduced the entertainment of the night.

"So come along, come along around the table. Those of you without fear, we need at least eight people of courage."

I glanced at Mr. Gray and he didn't hesitate a single moment in grabbing my hand in order to guide me towards the rounded glass table where the mysterious woman dressed with an emerald gown had taken her seat.

"Well done, well done, well done. Excellent! Sit. Sir Malcolm, take a seat. Splendid. Sit. Sit."

A low hum of intrigued chatter spread across the room as the rest of the guests wondered who this new face among us was. Dorian pulled the chair for me to sit comfortably and took his place next to me.

"What's going on?" he whispered to me as the lights dimmed and candles were lit with the intention of creating a more appropriate environment for what I guessed was about to come.

"I believe we're about to commune with the spirits," I replied in a hushed tone.

Whispers of excitement rose as the jewelry that we were asked to remove clinked within the metallic confines of the container passing around.

Something inside of me was telling me that I should leave, but I didn't listen…

"Please, join hands," Madame Kali began to speak and my heart started to pound faster within my chest.

My mind slowly began to spin around. A dizzy spell took a hold on me and I subconsciously reached out for Dorian's hand, knowing all too well what was happening to me; yet, I was unable to speak. It was getting harder and harder to breathe as the medium entered in trance. I couldn't help it… This force was taking me under, dragging me down and I could feel its call.

"There's another here," she announced and my fingers gripped Mr. Gray's hand with more vigor. "There's another here. Amunet, Amunet, Amunet. Amunet. Serpent. Hidden one. Know your master. Your lover. Your master."

I lost all control over myself and then, I was out… away… gone…

The spirit had been called and did not hesitate in stepping forward, growling as it took over me; choking gasps rose in the audience but they were ignored. Struggling grunts, sighs and moans trespassed my silken lips before a strange language came forth and everything became a blur of words.

My heart was encased by a dark haze.

My voice was no longer my own but the one of a child and with a tear of goodbye rolling down my pale cheek, another transition occurred.

A guttural, vicious snarl built within my chest until it turned into a hiss as the demonic presence contorted in the chair, loosening my hair prior to pressing her palm over the glass surface which cracked and shattered in a spider-web pattern, causing a series of terrified screams.

I couldn't do anything; I was prisoner of this… gift ―or curse―, watching everything like another spectator.

A high-pitch scream left one of the guests' mouths after the doors and windows slam shut and soon, a stream of lewd words came out of the diabolic being. Heavy breaths filled with panic rose and the demon kicked back the chair, crawling over the fissured counter. Licentious events were narrated as the sound of cracking bones and horrified cries mixed with a chanting in some unknown language. This symphony of terror finally led the spirit to wandering the damp streets in search of her consort wherever he would be in order to slake her carnal needs.

"You will be mine," the demon whispered in my ear while the stranger and the demon fucked in a dark alley under the pouring rain…

Once everything was over, I couldn't even look in the eyes at the man I'd had sex a few moments ago. I ran away, feeling utterly dirty for what this entity had made me do…

Not having control of your own body wasn't pleasant at all… Not having control of your thoughts, feeling the sickening pull of the spirits while they invade you and use you like a mere vessel was something hard to cope with…

Disposing of my torn garments, I took a cold shower and changed into my nightgown prior to slithering under the sheets and succumbing to a ―hopefully― peaceful slumber.

**X~x~X~x~x**

"You woke up early," I commented when Malcolm was about to enter the study room. He has spent the morning out and looked immersed in a rather pensive state now.

"Oh? Yes. Yes… I had things to take care of," he answered, obviously startled by the intrusion of my voice into his train of thoughts.

"Business?"

"You could say, yes," his voice was flat but with a hint of concern. He nodded his head and stepped into his room, closing the door behind after asking me to tell Sembene that he wouldn't have his lunch.

I wanted to apology for something that wasn't really my fault, but how could I? Where would I begin? Perhaps I'd be a good idea to let him be for now.

**X~x~X~x~x**

I felt a chill rushing down my spine and I froze in place in the middle of the hallway. My breath was caught in my throat. I knew what that was. It was calling to me again, but after what had happened last night, I gathered all the might I had left and attempted to ignore it, walking towards my chamber as though nothing had occurred. Nevertheless, the spirits had other ideas. I gasped and began to breathe heavily while different sounds reached my ears: a tiger roaring, a monkey screeching, a falcon screaming while a lion roared and laughter rolled across the corridor.

"Vanessa." I dropped the cup of tea I was holding and time seemed to stop just like my heart. "Help me…"

"Mina," I whispered as the girl who had been like a sister to me materialized at the end of the hallway. Shuddering when a growl broke through the suddenly cold air, I finally inquired, "Where are you?"

"They're all about me. The beasts that feed at night. And they are hungry. Please, save me!"

Her frightened voice brought tears to my eyes but the vision faded away when the sound of my tea cup crashed against the wooden floor. She was no longer here. She was in pain and there was nothing I could do… I sobbed quietly and leaned against the wall, feeling absolutely helpless…

"I need to talk to you," I told Malcolm as I entered the study. There was no one else; he was the only one who could help me to solve this right now.


	5. Broken Inside

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I don't know where this came from. I still despise the bullshit that was S03, and the rushed and shitty storyline and finale of such amazing show. So many wonderful characters with so much potential... I felt disappointed, unsatisfied and betrayed as a viewer if I'm honest. But I suppose I have my fanfictions and roleplay to correct how bad that ending was, and make the characters I love so much shine in all their glory, right? They can't take that away from me. I guess this episode was the only one that I liked from that season (although Dracula's character didn't make any sense to me after presenting Lucifer for 2 damn seasons). I loved being able to see how deep Vanessa's suffering and struggle ran. And obviously, her relationship with Caliban before he was the Creature.
> 
> Thank you for the feedbacks on previous chapters. I will try my best to write more Vanerian (Vanessa X Dorian). Slowly but surely. ;)
> 
> Anyways, this episode inspired a little writing. It's not much but I hope you enjoy reading as much as I enjoy writing. Apologies in advance for any grammar mistake I've made in any of the previous installments of this fanfic as well as in this chapter. Please review!
> 
> Setting: S03 E04 - A Blade Of Glass

Being stripped out life while still breathing that is what I call madness. Four white, cushioned walls were supposed to kill the demons, yet that did not keep them from getting in, and getting me. No, they only enhanced the vicious monsters scratching their way out at every chance they had, gave them a safer place where they could reign at will.

Confined to live with nothing but my own thoughts only exacerbated the nightmares and enlarged the void growing within. Swirling notions assaulted my mind while I sat, alone in dark. I could feel my spirit being torn apart piece by piece whereas any resemblance of sanity got lost in the nothingness that I was becoming. What little light my soul could possibly hold began to fade away. Darkness was taking over, and I couldn’t do anything to stop it.

Freedom was long gone, even beyond the walls that separated me from those who were “normal”. This place… This place was meant to _make_ me _**normal**_. Compliant, obedient. A cog in an intricate social machine. Yet I was far from being normal…

I was different.

I was… I was evil.

I could feel it coiling within me, calling to me while its roots took a hold on my very soul…

I was trapped.

I was weak.

I was a prisoner of my own unholy desires.

I was no Vanessa Ives in this place.

I was no one.

I had no name, no purpose.

I had been touched by Satan. My weakness had allowed it. Lucifer came to me but I didn’t fight him strongly enough.

I didn’t know that I fought him at all.

There was no fight left in me...

I could never be free, could I?

There was no actual way to escape my mind, was there? No actual way to escape what I really was…

The treatments continued. Escalated.

The lines between reality and make-believe started to blur. Faith slowly dissolved into oblivion. When it is thought that insanity abruptly emerges, there is no room for any thought upon demonic sources. Just as much as there was no room within the confines of my troubled mind for any way to believe in a mighty power. Not anymore. There was no point in believing. And that is how I had come to the tragic realization that God had forgotten me.

Did I not pray hard enough? Often enough?

_Wasn’t my faith strong **enough**?_

When would it end?

When would it all end?

_I wanted to die._

**Author's Note:**

> * This story has not been beta-read so please excuse any grammar errors or missing words. I try my best to fix any mistake I come across.
> 
> P.S.: You can find me on fanfiction.net with the same username. :) I'm uploading my works here little by little. ;)


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